Allie Parker (Stacker)

One pervading theme throughout Brianna’s memorial service was that Bri has been a witness in both her life and her death, and that, through her death, she will continue to change innumerable lives for Christ.

I am writing because I am one of them.

I had the privilege of growing up with Brianna since we were tiny babies. Our families are great friends and are both members of Bethany Lutheran Church. As little girls, Brianna and I attended all the same birthday parties, church functions and were both our dads’ little Indian Princesses.

One of my earliest memories of Bri was at her 6th or 7th birthday party, (I don’t quite recall). All of us little girls made a circle around her as we eagerly anticipated the toys she was about to unwrap. I was always so ecstatic by the mere thought of presents that I couldn’t wait for her to rip through that paper! Just as I was about to reach over and “help,” Brianna started doing the strangest thing. She gently began to peel the tape from the seams, being careful not to tear paper, and then proceeded to refold it so that it could be reused. I was stunned; I had never seen such a thing, let alone a 6-year-old girl with the presence of mind to conserve the paper from her own birthday gifts! In a sense, I think that that moment embodies the way Brianna has lived her life-- to the fullest, using every scrap of what she has been given.

Brianna reentered my life with a force this last year. Recently, I had felt rather caught in and confused by the politics that surround Christianity-- the political and doctrinal differences that seem to divide rather than unite Christians. Right around that time, my mom started forwarding me Brianna’s emails and letters. As I began to read them, and slowly digest her words, her voice seemed to cut right through all the confusion in my mind. Like Jesus, her message was radically simple: open up your life completely to God and allow your heart to break for others. Her message wasn’t dogma; it was pure grace. Although totally unknown to her, Brianna helped me get past the "noise." To me, Brianna became a living, breathing example of Christ.

This is the specific way in which Brianna has changed my life. I can only speculate as to the thousands of ways in which Brianna’s life has illuminated Christ’s love for others.

God has blessed me profoundly by knowing her.

Michelle Vilasani (Perth)
Hi there, the thing that I like to share about Brianna is that she is such a encourager, her passion for the Lord and for people is amazing. She is easy going and fun to be around. I was blessed by her friendliness and kindness which minister to me personally. I am privilege to share God along people like Brianna. She will be much missed around here in Perth. God Bless.

Jill Detrick (Long Beach, CA)

I am deeply sorry for the loss of Brianna, and my heart goes out to her family in this difficult time. She lived such an admirable life, and her light shined before so many. I am in awe of her achievements in her studies, activities, and especially in medical missions, helping so many people in the world. I remember looking up to her so much in our high school youth group; she always made everything fun and meaningful. I enjoyed teaching VBS with her as she had so many creative ideas.

I remember flying home from a National Youth Gathering in Atlanta with her and my brother across the aisle, both laughing using the in-flight earphones as a stethoscope. Also, I remember getting to do a reading with Brianna and Krista for a Bethany Mother's Day Brunch/Fashion show. She was so animated, and I admired how she made the message come to life. She lived with such a fullness of life, and wanted others to experience the same by walking more closely with Christ.

I want to extend my deepest sympathy to Mary Kay, Dan, Krista, and Matt. I believe Brianna's strength and spirit are with you, and may God's comfort be with you each day. You all are continually in my thoughts and prayers.

Gloria and Mike Kilburg

Excerpts from a letter to the Esswein Family:

When I first heard the news of Brianna’s death, I was absolutely shocked! I could hardly believe the words I was hearing. My first reaction was how could this possibly have happened to someone who was so devoutly passionate about their discipleship in bringing God’s love to all of His children; someone so very much committed to doing the Lord’s will. Why would a loving God allow this to happen to His faithful servant; one who was ministering to, and caring for God’s “poorest of the poor” in the name of Jesus Christ our Savior. Why would God take Brianna when she offered up her whole life to Him in choosing to be His faithful steward, living and breathing His every word; dying to herself and living solely for the glory and praise of God our Father?

Mary Kay, after I read your Christmas letter and your statement to Family and Friends dated December 17, I thought a lot about your message of healing in your quotation “He gives and takes away…But my heart will choose to say, Blessed be Your Name!” I want you to know that statement hit me like a ton of bricks. Now by the Grace of God I, too, have been lifted up by the Lord.

I am no longer blinded by self; I am finally realizing that there is in fact, a profound meaning to Brianna’s life and death; she will forever be a beckon of hope and light to the countless numbers of lives she touched as well as those who will hear about her discipleship and her burning desire to do the Lord’s service. Truly the enormous impact and all of the ramifications of this tragedy will prove to be an overwhelming instrument in sharing the message of Jesus as our Lord and Savior. Jesus gave His life for us on the cross so that we could have eternal life. These young members of the Birthing Team gave their lives as disciples in service to the Lord by doing His will and in following Him to the ends of the world. They were able to shine the radiant light of Jesus’ love and salvation as they ministered both spiritually and physically to the men and women of the villages. Surely the legacy of Jesus’ love that these young Team Members left behind wherever they went will live on for many years to come. I believe the children of the villagers will go on to tell the story of their birth. They will speak of all these acts of love and kindness shown to them, and this is what will burn in the hearts of the villagers forever, and as they tell their story they will speak of Brianna and her Team having such a passionate desire to help the young mothers bring the “miracle of birth” alive to them with both dignity and thanksgiving with praises to the Lord. They will forever tell their story about the people sent to them by God to do His will by helping them find their way and by helping them know Jesus, His Son.

As Brianna said in her journal, “The essence of compassion is to suffer with another.” This pain and suffering was God’s message to the villagers that He loves all of His children all over the world. That He sends out their brothers and sisters to touch their lives with His message of love and compassion.

In closing this letter to the Esswein Family, I would like to quote an excerpt from the heartfelt message Brianna left behind for her family as well as her faith community at large:

“I will lose my life here so that I may live the life that He has called me to, a life of both joy and sorrow. I am willing to live and die for my Lord and will follow Him to the ends of the earth, knowing that it may cost me everything, but there is no greater joy than serving my God and only through Him can my life and my joy be made complete. I will be His Bride.”

We now rejoice in the celebration of Brianna’s life here on earth and the privilege it was for all to have known her. The celebration continues as we now honor her as she wears her Heavenly Crown as a humble servant of our Lord and Savior, and now face-to-face as the Bride of the Lamb.

We thank you, Brianna, for your worldwide ministry in serving the Lord, and we thank you for the profound legacy of faith and hope you leave with all those whose lives you have touched. Truly our lives have been spiritually enriched in the gifts you leave behind as a faithful servant of God. Until we all meet again, you shall forever be in our thoughts as one who sacrificed their life to spread the message of God’s merciful love and healing power throughout the world. Because of you, Brianna, and your Team, the poorest of the poor will know and understand the significance of Jesus paying the ransom sacrifice for our sins so that we may have the precious gift of Eternal Life. This message of Salvation will live on in the hearts and minds of all those whose lives you have touched. They will know that God’s gift is for all of His children. And you, Brianna, will be known as the faithful servant of our Lord and Savior, and now as the Bride of the Lamb.

In the spirit of Christian love and fellowship, Grace and Peace be with you always.

From Paul and Sharyn Branson, missionaries in the Dominican Republic with MMI

We had the honour of getting to know Brianna when she was here in the DR working with us with Medical Ministry International.  She was such a joy and pleasure.  I always will remember her way with children.  I marvelled at how the children would stick to her like glue and how every time that I turned around she seemed to have another beautiful baby in her arms.  God has such a special plan for her life and I am sure that her memory will be a standing testimony to the love of God and others will continue to come to Jesus because of the seeds that God asked Brianna to plant all over the world.  We were all blessed to be such a small part of Brianna’s life.  I will always remember Brianna with a smile and her face a baby in her arms.

Melody Scott (Ohio)

Bri was the aroma of Christ. From the moment I met Bri, her presence filled the room. Whether through her laughter,tears or wisdom, Bri had an uncanny ability to connect with people. She extended tenderness and compassion to everyone...literally everyone... she met. She bore Christ's eyes, His hands, His heart. She was truly the aroma of Christ; she left His fragrance.

Bri was a community-builder. My best memories will be of our times at Wheaton, sitting at her dining room table, with a vast glorious spread of food before us. In front of each place-setting was always a little hand-written note or scripture from Bri just encouraging us. The house was filled with laughter, worship...that only Bri could lead and coordinate. I love this memory and I rejoice in it knowing that I will share a table with her and Christ once again one day.

Bri was a worshipper. She had a beautiful voice; at Wheaton, prof's were always asking her to lead the class in worship. I can still hear her singing...see her lifting her hands and worshipping God with her whole heart. Smiling...

Bri was inquisitive! We talked about so many issues...many of them surrounding boys! She always wondered when that "one" boy would realize that she was as fabulous and beautiful as she knew that she was! Yet, she had a deep awareness that she would not marry & her life would end at a young age. I remember vividly the day we discussed it. Oh, we laughed so much and discussed so many issues - from marriage, poverty, health care, women's issues, world politics. She was balanced and clinged to scripture. She was always thinking and analyzing something.

Bri was a servant. I know her well enough to know that this would have been the way she wanted to leave this earth - serving women in Africa bringing them dignity, delivering babies, and sharing the hope of Christ with those who were hopeless. She knew the task God had called her to.

I miss her. I am so thankful that God gave me the honor of meeting her. I rest knowing we're only apart for a brief time.

Dan Wogelmuth, President, Youth for Christ World Outreach (Dec. 16, 2005)

I remember watching our son, Erik, run competitively when he was in Junior High. He was involved in two races; the 800 and 1,500 meters. As we waited for Erik’s turn on the track, we also watched many other races. Some shorter and some considerably longer. When the young competitors ran the 100 meter dash, it was over in a matter of seconds. Erik’s races consumed minutes. Each racer locked into their particular distance and ran with passion and determination over the prescribed course. What you didn’t find were sprinters complaining that their race simply wasn’t long enough, or distance runners whining about the grueling length of their race. Whatever the course, they ran with all they had.

Last Sunday, Brianna Esswein, a young woman and a YWAM missionary, was killed in a tragic road accident outside of Port Harcourt, Nigeria. Brianna was a mid-wife in Nigeria. She escorted infant Africans out of their mother’s womb. She did so with compassion and grace, ministering to hurting, frightened, and worried mothers. She loved her job. The medical and the spiritual. I read her monthly prayer letter that arrived in mailboxes a day after she had been ushered into glory. She talked of her joy in sharing the love of Jesus with wandering souls.

Brianna’s race is over. It seemed a good bit like a 100 meter dash. While it’s easy to want for more, this was the full length of her race. She did it well. All out. All in. That’s the way Brianna was. Passionately compassionate. Learn from her. In the short time that defined her, she lived her life to the full.

We applaud, honor, and congratulate Brianna Esswein on a race well run. We pray with love and tenderness for her family and friends who must continue… their race is longer, but enriched by the model set by Brianna.

…let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. ~ Hebrews 12: 1b, 2 (ESV)

The race. Our race. The distance the Father has selected for us to run. With endurance. Eyes on Jesus.

Brianna Esswein. Faithful friend. Fellow pilgrim. Race complete.Inspired.

Jessica Marshall (Australia)

My name is Jessica Marshall, I am Australian and have the absolute honour of walking and learning alongside Bri and from Bri for the past 6 months of her life here on Earth. I did the Birth Attendant School (BAS) also and just simply love Bri more than I can express. But I especially wanted to say that I had the amazing priveledge of being with Bri as she breathed her last. Hollie (staff on BAS) and I tried to resusitate her on that sunday morning, but the Lord had really taken her. Bri was gone and we just sat with her for a bit. I am so pleased that I got to be with her, to see her go and know that she had really entered into HIS kingdom. What else could be done but just to be there...? She is a precious daughter of God just like each of us and we try and praise God for His absolute touch on this whole situation. Bri was one of the ones that was saved that day. She is the one that is really free and healthy and safe. We wait for our day when we also will be completely free from this crazy world. My utmost respect and appreciation goes to the Nigerians who stopped that day and emptied their cars and plans to get us all to the local hospital. The doctors and nurses with limited resources did all they could without holding back. I thank God for them. And I appreciate our world wide family of believers who are upholding everyone involved in prayer. Lets be a blessing to our Father the way that Bri and the others that live now with Him in heaven. We can only have hope now in what our Father promises us in our future. Love and aching heart with yours, JESS.

Mary Kay and Dan Esswein

Brianna Our Love

“I have no greater JOY than to hear that my children are walking in the Truth.” 3 John 4

From the moment we found out that Brianna was on the way, she has been a joy to our hearts. It seems like only yesterday, we were thrilled to hold her in our arms and first looked into her big, beautiful blue eyes. As new parents, we prayed for her from the beginning and God abundantly answered in ways we wouldn’t even have known to pray. God showed us the way and gave us an urgency for each of our children’s souls so that our lives echoed Paul’s passionate yearning for his people, “My dear children, for whom I am again in the pains of childbirth until Christ be formed in you.” Gal. 4:19. We are forever grateful for God’s second birth for each of us!

Bri was a happy and sparkling baby, who grew into a vibrant young woman. She could captivate our hearts and inspire our souls with her passion to serve the Lord and bring His love to those near and far. She taught us to be parents, and was patient when her zest for new and exciting adventures pushed us beyond our comfort zone. She was extremely efficient at accomplishing tasks and we always knew that when she began talking about a dream, it wouldn’t be long until she would make it happen.

She loved to sing and surrounded us with the sounds of music, singing in the car and on hikes, in Madrigals, in church choirs and leading worship on the praise team. It was a special joy for me to sing as a trio with Brianna and Krista, blending hearts and voices in beautiful, three-part harmony. When she was 16, Bri gave up secular music for Lent and discovered the wonders of contemporary Christian music with Twila Paris, Point of Grace, Michael W. Smith, Matt Redman, Chris Tomlin and Casting Crowns. Over the years these musical missionaries gave voice to her praise and filled our home with glorious songs of joy.

Never having had a sister, I found incredible delight in watching Brianna and Krista as sisters with their girl talk and their giggles, their matching dresses and their sisterly love. Little girls have a way of wrapping their daddy around their little finger, and Bri had no problem doing that. She shared an unspoken bond with her daddy and he understood her heart. Bri and Krista loved the times Dad spent with them in Indian Princesses with father-daughter dances, camping in wind-shredded tents at Calico and playing flashlight bingo when the power went out during a blizzard in Arrowhead..

Brianna was a bright little girl who taught herself to read by 4 years old and could master AP classes in calculus and biology effortlessly. She was an inquisitive student and a deep thinker who searched for the mysteries of the universe and found the answers in science and Scripture to blend perfectly in the hands of the Creator. She loved studying theology and missions at Wheaton College, delving into the truths of God with professors and friends and sharing the powerful way God was working in her life.

It was a delight for me to share Bri’s journey as a nursing student at Cal State Long Beach and to hear about her adventures in the hospital as a fellow nurse. As an alum of CSULB masters program, Bri and I actually had 3 of the same nursing professors, 30 years apart! One of our highlights was sharing medical mission trips to Nicaragua and the Dominican Republic, blending our love for the Lord with our nursing skills as mother and daughter. My former experience as a Labor & Delivery nurse made it easy for me to rejoice with Bri as she discovered the miracle of childbirth. I also agonized with her at the tragedies of stillbirths and young moms who slipped away with no way to resuscitate them in third world hospitals.

Bri loved to have fun and shared her playful humor, teasing and laughing with family and friends, especially her brother, Matt. She loved to talk and relax with friends over coffee at Starbucks and Coffee Bean. She marveled at God’s handiwork in spectacular sunset skies, and loved going to the beach as the sun slipped over the horizon into the ocean. While at Cal State Long Beach, she spent hours at the beach with her Bible and journal watching the colorful skies. Bri had a quiet heart that needed time alone to refuel, and as we have begun to look at some of her journals and scrapbooks, we have discovered that those quiet times were fueled by the living presence of Jesus as she devoured His Word, listened to His voice and passionately followed His call.

Bri had an intense connection with us as a family and in precious thoughtful ways she continued to gift us with her love even when far away. Before leaving on each of her mission trips, she bought and wrapped birthday gifts so they would be ready for us to open at home. During her time in Nigeria she was living out of a backpack and managed to send personal notes to us and friends on beautifully decorated stationery in vibrant colors. Her Christmas gift came to us this week in a powerpoint presentation telling us that she had named each of the 4 babies she delivered after one of us. She shared the meaning of the name, and gave us the gift of praying for these precious babies all our lives.

She shared exciting discoveries and agonizing struggles with us by e-mail, and talked nonstop on overseas calls by phone. She wanted to know what each of us was up to and prayed for us even when her circumstances were more challenging than ours. She connected us and hundreds of others with her passion for missions through her energetic words, sparkling eyes, enthusiastic stories and fearless faith.

How can we capture the vibrant, passionate, radiant life of Bri in a few words? She lived her love for Jesus with her whole heart, she bubbled over with joy and delight in serving Him and helping others get to know Him. Brianna came alive on the mission field! She died living out God’s dream for her life and her deeds follow her.

God entrusted her to us in birth and we were so abundantly blessed. Now He has entrusted us with her death, and in our pain we are seeing glimpses of the abundant blessing still in store for us as her passion for missions lives on. Though our hearts grieve, our spirits are full with the certain hope we share in Jesus. She is waiting to welcome us home, and until then may God give us glimpses of His glory as He unveils His sovereign power and purpose in Brianna’s life and the lives of others given for His Kingdom.

Thank you for coming alongside us as we walk through the Valley of the Shadow together. We are deeply touched and powerfully upheld by your love and prayers. We love you dearly and will need you immensely for the journey ahead. With hope, Mary Kay and Dan Esswein

A Life of Praise

I thank Jesus for my sister Bri, the precious gift He gave me the past 23 years. I don’t remember when we became best friends, whether it was while we were still sharing a room together, or when we were dressed alike for holidays, when we sang our first duet together, when we moved into our own rooms, when we were at Valley together, or when we were both in college. What I do know is that I will never forget the sweet memories we have together or the significant impact she had on my life.

The bond that Bri and I shared as sisters and best friends was deep. There was a purity and honesty that characterized our friendship. We absolutely loved spending hours talking together! As much as we loved being together, what we wanted most was to live the life God had called us each to! The depth of our friendship came from hearts that were the same- longing to live for Jesus in every aspect of our lives. More than we loved each other, we loved our Lord and desired to fulfill His plan for our lives. We truly rejoiced, celebrated, and encouraged each other in the unique gifts God had given us.

Though we both would have loved to always live near each other, that was not the plan God had for our lives. God had called Bri to be a missionary to the nations. A quote by Jim Elliot became very special to us after we had both attended the Focus on the Family Institute while in college. Jim Elliot, a Christian missionary martyr wrote, “Wherever you are, be all there.” We would often encourage each other with these words as we were thousands of miles apart! When Bri was on the mission field, I would encourage her to be “fully there”! When I was still at Biola or was teaching in the classroom she would encourage me to be “fully there!” Our first love for God and obedience to Him meant us being continents away from each other most of our adult years.

The Lord blessed me with a special year with Bri in Wheaton, IL. I moved out there wanting to spend a year with her in the states before she left for the mission field. What only God knew was that it would be a year with her before He called her home to heaven. I am so thankful for this “gift” God gave me. It truly was the most precious year of my life! It was a dream come true to live in the same house again with my sister, my best friend. Instead of long distance phone calls we were just down the hall from each other! We spent hours upon hours just talking and enjoying each other’s presence! We really did love it! (although we just about froze during the long winter season and couldn’t believe the closest thing to a beach was Lake Michigan!) Some of our favorite times together there were worshipping at church together, doing schoolwork at Starbucks together, walking on frozen Lake Geneva in Wisconsin, seeing the beautiful tulips at the Tulip festival in Michigan, enjoying the changing seasons, eating meals and singing worship, and praying with our housemates Heather and Jessica, brunches with Lindsay, trips back home to CA, and visits from Matt and our parents.

While in Wheaton we talked so much about what it means to give glory to God in our lives- in all circumstances. The song “Blessed Be Your Name” became our theme song as we chose to praise and bless God’s Name trusting and believing that He is sovereign and good even when life just didn’t seem to make sense. It was a year where the Lord confirmed His plan for our lives. Each day Bri longed to be back on the mission field. Each day I loved teaching more and more. I loved encouraging her in missions, and she loved encouraging me with teaching. Our callings were so different, yet we celebrated and recognized that the Lord had placed the calling on both of our lives. We knew that whatever the Lord had called us to do- we were to do it all for His glory!

As we lived in Wheaton together I saw for the first time that Bri had a gift of hospitality. As we invited friends over for a Christmas Brunch or Thanksgiving dinner she would beautifully set the table, make meaningful place cards, and set out the food preparing for our special guests. She loved it! I love the picture I now have of Bri once again setting the table and preparing for the guests to arrive in heaven- all of us who believe to come sit at the Feast of the Lamb!

Whenever I talked to Bri, whether it was on the phone while she was on the mission field or when we were talking face to face, she had an amazing perspective on life! She had the true perspective- that this life is not our own, but is the Lord’s. She lived daily believing that “to live is Christ, to die is gain.” We talked about and encouraged each other to lay down our lives that the Lord would use them for his glory. She was a woman who lived daily unashamed for Christ- seeking to give all the glory to Him! Though she loved being on the mission field, there were many sacrifices that she made to be there. She understood the cost, but was obedient to the Lord. She knew so clearly that God had called to her be a missionary, and there was no greater joy for her than to be obedient to the Lord.

Though God has called Bri to be home with Him, He has not yet called us. Therefore, let us live our lives fully for the Lord, living every moment for His honor and glory. Let us seek to know and obey our Lord! For there is no greater joy than to be living our lives according to His will and purpose. Now as Bri is in heaven I can picture and hear her saying the words to you and me, “Wherever you are, be all there.” Let us live every moment fully for the Lord!

Matt Esswein, Bri’s little brother

“I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.” (Phil. 1:18-21, NIV)

When I think of Bri, the first thing that comes to mind is her depth in “late-night” chats on the couch or on a bed about theology, missions, the purpose of life, and various other questions we were both wrestling through. After the rest of our family went to sleep, we shared what God had taught us that day, week, and often few months since we had last talked.

After going through the class, Perspectives on the World Christian Movement, I had so many new thoughts and ideas running through my mind that she pondered as well, the role of short-term missions, the often selfish perspective unprepared American missionaries went with, the scars missionaries had left in the past, but also the main goal of raising up leaders to guide their own people and be a sending ground for future missionaries. I loved every moment talking with her because of her profound love, passion, and wisdom.

Every time I talked with her I felt encouraged and emboldened to be an example of Christ especially over the last couple years at Cal Poly. She was never ashamed to share what happened in her life and that gave her freedom and also built a trust between us. I wanted to follow close behind as she so closely followed Christ.

I also think of trips to In-N-Out whenever she flew back home, a genuine care for friends and family, her trying to sleep on vacation road trips with me not letting her do so, a true joy and passion for seeking the Lord, a heart for the lost especially in foreign countries, and a courage to go anywhere the Lord would lead.

Over the last year I often talked with her about the studies and discoveries I had found in the book of Philippians. Bri exuded the same joy Paul prayed for and attained and now lives with full joy and views the Lord with an unveiled face. This joy came from her partnership in sharing the gospel and conducting her life in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Her life and now her death further challenge me to live to glorify God alone in any way possible. Now more than ever my desire grows as “I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and fellowship of sharing in His sufferings, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead,” (Phil. 3:10-11) with Bri as my example.

Lori Lange, friend from Bethany

My first memory of the Esswein girls was when Brianna was about 10 years old.  I admired the darling little girls dressed in their matching Easter dresses.  As Brianna and Krista grew, my admiration for them also grew.  They matured into beautiful young ladies...both inside and out.  Brianna, Krista, and Matt were children that any parent would be proud of.

I had the privelege of working with Brianna and Krista in VBS at Bethany for several years.  They were both wonderful teachers and went above and beyond the "call of duty" in all areas. They so naturally created an inviting, warm, and fun environment for their students. Brianna and Krista also babysat for our boys.  Brianna would enter our home (with a beaming smile, of course), greet us, and then immediately sit down on the floor and begin to interact with our sons. She loved kids and they loved her.

As Brianna grew older, we all watched her passion for the mission field grow.  It was always a joy to see her back at church...sharing her adventures through slide shows and personal stories.  Her enthusiasm was contagious.  I remember the day I realized that I had never before been inspired and spiritually challenged by someone so young.  When I saw Brianna at church, she always took time to talk to me.  She made me feel special.  I will miss her.

My last memory of  Brianna was at her cousin, Lindsay's, wedding.   She was so happy to share in the celebration.  She didn't have much time to catch up with everyone as her time in California was very short.  Yet she took the time to hold my six-month-old daughter, Alyssa. When I saw her with Alyssa, I pictured her holding the babies in far off lands. I knew God had given the world a special lady.  I cherish that memory. 

I am deeply saddened that Brianna is no longer here with us.  I am heartbroken because I know how much she will be missed by her family.  They loved her dearly and were incredibly proud of her.  She is irreplaceable to them.     

But I am equally joyful that Brianna is now shining with Jesus.  I believe that we are strangers here on earth and heaven is our home.  As much as she always loved coming back to the wonderful home that she grew up in, she is even now more "at home" in heaven.  She served her Lord joyfully and faithfully.  Well done, Brianna.  You are loved.

Giacomo & Marjolein Coghi (YWAM San Jose, Costa Rica)

How blessed were we to meet her in Nicaragua, when Giacomo was translating for the medical group Brianna and her mom were with. A year later in 1999 we spent our first anniversary in the USA and stayed with the Esswein family who so wonderfully showed us what Godly Hospitality is all about. Brianna gave up her room to us without a problem. This family is an amazing example of surrendering their lives to Jesus and now Brianna has shown through her life how true that has been. An amazing young woman who we were able to share with about missions. Thank you Lord for letting us meet her, have her radiance and passion for you be part of our lives and now we carry that in our hearts with us and will tell your story, Bri to all who will hear!!! Your life will be spoken about by many and we will share it with the Latins here in Central America to give all they have to fulfill the great commission. Thank you Dan and Mary Kay for having given us so much love and an example of what a true Christian family is all about. With much love, your friends

Destiny Boyd (Israel)

I was so saddened to hear about Brianna.  Though I didn't know her personally, I know that she was a part of our World Outreach family.  As I read her newsletter and the testimony about her life, I was compelled to take a deep look into my own life.  It was absolutely obvious that her life impacted many.  It was absolutely obvious to me that she gave more than she had in her own strength to give.  It was absolutely obvious that she served Jesus with her entire being.    And as I read, I thought to myself....Brianna is a hero of our faith.  She met Jesus living the life God dreamed for her.   Thank you for sharing Brianna's life (on the web-site) with those of us who didn't know her personally.  Her life's story will live on. 

Bless you.  I will be praying for you all as you walk through this time, and also for Brianna's family.

Karen Cox (California)

Dan, Mary Kay, Krista, Matt, Esswein & Schmedake Family,

As we prepared to celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior, God had a plan. Our Lord needed a very special Angel to be with Him for the Christmas season. That special Angel was Brianna. Brianna got to be with our Lord for Christmas and feast at His banquet table. Of anyone more ready to be with God Bri was it. She was ready to go at any moment, and we all were so blessed to have her with us for 25 years. As we sorrowed with the loss of Bri she was feasting with her grandfathers and her great grandparents.

I was so privileged to watch Brianna grow from an infant to a beautiful young woman. Brianna has always had a very special sparkle about her. She loved to sing which we saw her do and her eyes always showed her love for what she did. I loved being across from her in choir, oh my did she have a smile about her, and when she talked, I was breathless as she never took a breathe or slowed down, as she had so much to say and wanted it to come out.

We have lost a very special person, but we are Christians and we do know that she now has the everlasting life with our Creator.

I remember so many times the emails we shared. I loved getting emails from Brianna, as she always talked about the things she was doing and it was so interesting to hear about the different parts of the world. They’re where times when I thought I was there. I talked about my grandsons Jacob & Andrew with her, I told her the funny things that they did, and when Andrew was born and so sick, she prayed with me email. This meant the world to me, as my email buddy was in another part of the world and she had prayers for Andrew. I always closed my emails to Bri with I loved her and that she is so loved by all.

I am closing my letter to you all with that we sorrow so for all of you, but we also are uplifted with knowing that Brianna is in a far better world now, and she is singing those beautiful hymns with her Heavenly Father.

Just know that you all are loved, and we pray for all of you not only in our prayers but our hearts as well.

Yumi de Guzman

Thank you very much for letting me/us know of what happened to Bri. I am very sorry to hear about your loss. We at Edward Hospital were very fortunate to have known and encountered a very selfless and compassionate person like her and we are praying for her and your family.  Like you, I am comforted by the thought that she passed doing what she loved to do, and that she is now back with our Maker.

God bless.

Lafe Wood (Liberia)

To Brianna's family,

You don't know me, but I felt that I should write to extend my condolences during this time. I am working on board the Anastasis in Liberia and was deeply saddened last Thursday when I got news of Brianna's death.

Bri was the first fellow student from Discipleship Training School that I met. I was in the middle of the long journey from Colorado to Sierra Leone feeling somewhat overwhelmed at the thought of spending the next five months in a strange place. I met Brianna at the airport in London and I was immediately put at ease as she told me about her previous experiences in missions.

During DTS, Bri and I were in the same small group and on the same outreach team where we led worship together. I have fond memories of our time in Benin and Ghana where the team lived like a family while spreading the gospel. As I heard about Brianna's accident a memory came flooding back in which she spoke of her desire to visit Nigeria (she had hoped to make a short visit there while we were in Benin).

I praise God that I was able to meet Brianna. Her lifestyle and radical witness for Christ have had a significant impact on me. I remember especially her Bible, which was filled from cover to cover with highlighting, underlining, and little handwritten notes on which she recorded the dates on which she had read passages of scripture. She truly devoured God's Word and I and many others were inspired by her commitment to Bible study.

May God grant your entire family peace and joy as you remember Brianna's life. Loss is always painful, but ultimately we know that she is with her Father and that Heaven rejoices at her homecoming.

In Christ,

Gina Bendebel (Illinois)

Peace be to you all !

Bri is a very dear friend of mine and I could not help but get drowned with sadness upon learning of her fate. She was the sweetest and purest person I've known all my life. I came to know her well at work while she was here in Illinois. We used to kid around much and talk of a lot of things. She shares her plans and her utmost desire to help the needy. Her unselfish devotion to make a difference in this world was the most admirable. She was fearless ( in a good way), so humble and true. We had a lot of fun with her company as she gets along very well with everyone. I was actually looking forward to working with her when she expressed desire to join me on our medical mission in my hometown in the Philippines, when her mission in Africa was over. My family was delighted on knowing of her interest. But, God certainly has His plans laid out in ways we will never understand.

I could not stop talking highly of her and I truly consider myself so lucky that I met this "Angel" while she was still on earth. The world needs people like her, and it's seldom that you find one. She had touched so many lives including mine, and for that she will always  be remembered. BRI was and will always be a dear friend so close to my heart.

Today, I join with you as you grieve on your loss for it is also mine, and the world's. But at the same time, I join with you in rejoicing as you celebrate her life knowing that she is with our Savior, Jesus the Lord, in heaven. May your family find comfort from all the love that surrounds you at this time and always.

With love,

Beth Nielsen

I am a nurse at Edward Hospital and wanted to extend my sympathy to you.Brianna was such a shining star in my life. She touched me with her warmth and her love for God. I too am a Christian and we had occasion to talk about our faith. She was a beautiful, smart, giving woman who was willing to devote her life to others. What an inspiration. My walk with Christ has deepened because of her and her example. She and I shared the same belief and I look forward to seeing her again in heaven. I lost my baby sister and take comfort in believing that Brianna has met her and is caring for her until I get there.

Please let me know if I can do anything to help you at this tragic time in your lives. My heart grieves for your loss. I am getting a beautiful gold frame for Brianna's picture, it will be engraved with loving words to remember her. I will place it on our family shelf at work so all the people she touched can enjoy remembering her. My hope is it will be a catalist for us to share Brianna with patients and let her life continue to help others know Christ and realize his love for them. She is loved.

With my deepest sympathy,

I was blessed to have Bri as a friend while she was in her last year of study at Wheaton College in the missions program. She didn't know me when I moved to Wheaton in August 2004, but because I was moving into the house she had lived in the previous year, she took me into her circle of friends without question and made me feel right at home.

Like everyone else I was completely shocked to hear the news about Bri's passing into her new life while serving in Nigeria. Because of her amazing love and dedication to serving the Lord as a medical missionary, I struggled with questions of "why her?" as well. She had so much to offer this world as a bright, shining example of Jesus in her love, compassion, dedication, faith, and hope in the Lord. And she is probably one of the few people I have ever met in my life that, having so much to offer the world, actually DID offer the world all she had because of her love for Jesus. As I got to know her in Wheaton, I always thought, "How can anyone live with so much passion and wonder every day of their life? It must be exhausting for her!" But I knew that I wanted to somehow reach that point in my life as well-- to have that kind of drive and energy. I remember Bri as someone who had thought out almost every step of her life...she had a reason for doing everything she was doing. I remember she and Christa even named their house in Wheaton "Bethaia" because she said they wanted it to be a "house of life." And she made it that way--even with her busy schedule--having her friends over for a Thanksgiving dinner, inviting me over for lunch and to work on our tans in the tiny backyard during the summer, even giving me some of her furniture for free when she was leaving for California... (I will always cherish that papasan chair she gave me).

I remember that everything that she liked or loved, she always wanted to share with others, joyfully and passionately-- ranging from her favorite tapioca smoothie drink in Chicago's Chinatown and her favorite coffee shop in downtown Geneva to more spiritual matters, like a Spanish-speaking worship service at Willow Creek Church she thought I'd enjoy and the insights she was gaining from her professors and courses at Wheaton (like History of the Care of Souls). Even though I only knew her for about 10 months, I could go on and on about the joys she brought into my life. During the last few months that I'd received her email updates from Australia and Nigeria, I shared with my other friends who knew her, "Bri's emails are always so full of joy-- she describes every delivery she's a part of like it was the first baby born in the world!" If I can somehow have half of the passion and joy that Bri had in her life and be able to bring it to others the way she did, I will have lived my life well.

She didn't live her life half-heartedly. Everything was purposeful for her--even when she looked back on past experiences that weren't pleasant for her, she saw the good that God had brought out of those times. One of her main themes as she was graduating from Wheaton was the idea of seasons in life-- ups and downs and how we can learn from both the spring and winter. My prayer is that everyone who knew her, especially her beloved family, will be encouraged that even in times that feel like winter, the Lord whom Bri loved so much is always there, and he's always good. May we take comfort in picturing Bri by the side of her beloved Jesus, even as we miss her so much.

With love to Bri and her family...

Amber, Scott, Samantha, Sarah and Sabrina Dunn (Bellflower, CA)

So many wonderful things spring to my mind. Most touching and important was the blessing she was to our children.  She so sweetly babysat for our girls, Samantha and Sarah (Sabrina was still in my tummy).  I remember one morning I was leaving for work.  I had on the radio playing STAR 98.7.  And Bri politely asked me if she could change the station.  I said sure, no problem.  I was curious as to why, so I asked.  She told me that she had given up Secular music for Lent.  Well, then I had two more questions for her.  What was Lent and what did Secular mean.  Here was this 16 year old girl telling me a married mother of almost 3 daughters about these important things.  But she revealed the scales from my eyes.  Later I would go on to sing with her in the Contemporary Saturday night services.  She was so euphoric, so energized for Jesus!  I also remember gathering at her Cypress home when she came back from, what I think was her first mission trip.  She told a fearless story of being in foreign land.  Where she was riding the bus and her purse was slashed.  But she wasn't scared to continue! I so looked forward to receiving her YWAM update letters.  I am so thankful that I was blessed enough to be touched by Brianna's life!!!

My thoughts and prayers are full of thanksgiving, prayer, and love for Mary Kay, Dan, Krista and Matt.

Edward & Mary Schultz

How I love this precious saint, a lovely young lady who at 16 left the comforts of home for the unknown places of ignorance and extreme poverty. Thank you Brianna for pouring out your heart of love in those few short years. Father we pray that you would inspire your church similarly to go into those areas of physical and spiritual darkness of the United States and other countries. Give us eyes to see and ears to hear you call on our lives. Let us pray, “Here am I, send me, send me.”

Jennie Moore-Butler

I grew up knowing Brianna and her family. The love and friendship they all shared with each other was enviable, to say the least. They shared a common goal; serve the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your might. Who among us would have guessed that one of them would die doing just that?

When I got the email that Brianna had passed away, I was devastated. My heart ached for her family. I didn't understand God's purpose in taking her home. She had just begun her service for Christ. What purpose could this serve? I may never know the answer. What I do know, is through her death, I now know the Christian I want to be. I  know the example I want to set for my children. Brianna had such an impact on all she came in contact with. I will strive for the rest of my life to live a life half as exemplary.

I am proud to say that I knew Brianna Esswein. I am proud to say that I was privileged to watch her grow in Christ and fulfill His mission for her. She is what we should all strive to be. She went without question where God sent her. She didn't complain. She worked in deplorable conditions with an ever present smile on her face and an unwavering faith in God.

My heart aches at her passing. I know the good she did and the countless blessings she gave to people with her glowing spirit and light. I know it is memories such as these that will sustain her family and friends. She was truly a remarkable woman.

I pray every day for you; Dan, MaryKay, Christa and Matthew. May God bless you. May you feel His loving arms around you.

All my Love.

I too was privileged to have met Bri during the summer of 2001 at the Focus on the Family Institute. She was an Omega and I was an Alpha, so most of our time was spent separately. However, we had the
Southern-Califorinia-girl bond. Every recollection of Brianna from that summer is of her joyful, loving spirit and her unfailing ability to look cute at all times. I remember they teased her on her hikes for being dressed as if she were going to the mall. But beyond her fun-loving nature, and fashion sense, the conversations we did share revealed her depth of godly wisdom and insight. I was thrilled to celebrate her graduation from college at her home, the summer after our Focus Summer, Hanging out with her that evening solidified the fact that she was a kindred spirit, and I regretted that we would not have the chance to hang out more often.

So, most of our friendship developed via e-mail while she was globe-trotting for Christ. I was so proud of her and ever so-encouraged by her example of abandonment to her calling, which was evident upon meeting her. She was always so excited and passionate about each chapter the Lord was unveiling in her ministry. I would even mention Brianna and share her stories to encourage my friends who were embarking on missions of their own.

Recently, I e-mailed her after reading one of her updates that particularly uplifted my soul. I told her it was beautiful to know that there was a piece of Nigeria that Brianna had to touch...and it’s true; There was such a strong sense of calling upon her life and it came from her intimacy with Christ. To me one of the most amazing thing about her is how she transparently shared her beautiful soul and love for the Lord with everyone she encountered, not just those she was closest to. Through this, we all gained strength by her life as it was a trophy of the Lord’s faithfulness.

I’ve been rereading her writings from throughout the years and have struggled with the questions of why her, why now, and despite my logic and unshakable faith in the One who is True, Faithful, Just and Good, and I’ve resigned myself to accept the sovereignly and goodness of God, though I’m not fully satisfied with the answers, but one thing is certain, her work was done...surreal and impossible as it seems. But as her death probes at my soul, I recognize that part of her work was spurring us on in the faith. Now may we be faithful to continue our own race, that we may be counted as faithful as she when our day comes to bask in the full presence of the Lover of our souls. Thank you Lord for the blessing of Brianna and for allowing me to be a part of one of the short chapters in her life.

Carpe Diem, Coram Deo
Seize the day in the presence of God.

Deborah Hodapp, RN (Naperville, IL)

I was so deeply saddened when I heard of the tragic accident that took our Bri. Now two weeks later, I still grieve her loss.

I first met Bri when she started at Edward Hospital in Naperville, Illinois. She was in the middle work station self learning on our Pyxis machine (a machine where you get your patient's medications from.) I immediately introduced myself to her and asked her who she was and asked her what she was doing. Then I called my boss, the other Deb, and said can I keep her? So her first day on the floor I got to orientate Bri. That first day she told me about her mission in life. Having three daughters myself, and one Bri's age, I was taken back by how together she was, where she had been, why she came to Edward Hospital - for the year experience she needed, and her plan in life. WOW! So beyond her young age. She was sweet, kind, so focused on her mission in life, and so spiritually together.

I saved the last email Bri sent on Friday, June 3, 2005 at 6:41 a.m. - MY LAST DAY: She wrote to us:

"It has been an awesome privilage to work with you all over the past year and a half! I have had an amazing time and been so blessed to work with such wonderful nurses! Thank you for making this such a wonderful experience. I am headed off to California (back home) for a few weeks and then on to Australia to train as a midwife for a few months and then on to Egypt where I will work as a midwife for at least eight months. After that only God knows where I will end up! I am excited for the road ahead but will miss you each so much! I would love to keep in touch so send me an email if you get a chance and let me know all that's going on! Many blessings, Brianna

So to the Esswein family - It was my awesome privilage to work with your daughter for that year and a half. I was the one who was blessed to have here come into my life. Just as I asked my boss that first day I met her "Can I keep her?" I will keep her in my heart forever!

In loving memory.

Sheryl Engler (California)

We were in Maui celebrating an early Christmas gift exchange with four of our five daughters and their spouses and children. Things seemed so idyllic so perfect, so sweet.  Then a call from our youngest daughter Amy,( left in California to finish school and watch our dog), she was crying. She had just heard the news about Brianna. We were stunned, we just started sharing all of our individual memories of her sweetness in our life.  She supported Libby when she was doing a 6month mission with YWAM, (I never new that).  I told them about the encouraging emails and postcards she sent me telling me I was an encouragement when it was her that encouraged me in my walk with Jesus.  We remembered times past when the girls were small and were at church together.  We started to cry together we couldn't figure out why this happened.  I kept saying this is a war fatality,  she was on the frontlines, battling so courageously and compassionately for Jesus Christ.  Then we started to become negative and bitter in our evaluations of why would God allow this?  So we prayed and asked the Lord why.  Our prayers turned into a desire that God would somehow be glorified in her death.  That what Satan intended for evil would be an amazing opportunity for His glorification.  We hugged and kissed and I was so thankful for these moments together to share our faith our comfort.  We tried to sleep and we couldn't we each one were greiving and praying for Mary Kay and Dan, Krista and Matt.  We felt lost confused trying to hang on to the hope we knew in Jesus Christ.

The next morning some of us got up and went to YWAM's friday morning worship at the Paia base.  It is filled with students preparing to go out on three month mission trips to the South Pacific and Asia.  For each school their is a theme and this theme is put on a poster up high on the wall above the worship team.  When I walked into the Chapel their was a golden crown above the worship team.  The crown I knew in my heart Brianna was wearing in heaven.  The song playing when we came into the chapel was "Better in One Day in Your Courts, Better is one day in your house than thousands elsewhere."  I felt comforted and reassured that it was ok.  God would be glorified, He is victorious over sin and death!  Much Love, Sheryl Engler

I was fortunate enough to meet Brianna in August of 2000. I lived in the same dorm suite as her during our junior year at CSULB. Brianna was unlike any other 20 year old I had ever met. She was so serious about life, education, her family, her friends, and of course her faith. Brianna and I were so different from each other in a lot of ways, but for some reason I was drawn to her like a magnet. She helped me through some really difficult times in my life. She was such a good listener and friend. I loved and admired her so much and I knew I had made a lifelong friend when I met her. I truly believe that God brought her into my life for a reason.

I have so many fond memories of Brianna while we lived in the dorms that year. Despite the fact that Brianna had such a serious side she also had such a love for life. I will never forget all the memories I have of her: the sunsets we watched together, the trips to Starbucks, dinners in the dorm cafeteria, our long talks about family and religion, our trips to the beach, our road trip up to Colorado, and of course her shining eyes and her smile.

Brianna and I kept in touch frequently after that year, but I always knew it would be from a distance. I know Brianna loved what she was doing, and she would not have lived any other way. I was fortunate enough to see Brianna one last time in June before she left for Australia when she attended my wedding. I feel so blessed to have met Brianna. I know she is with God now and I find peace in that, but I will miss her so much!!!! I will never forget Brianna or the impact she has made on my life and who I am today.

To the Esswein family- My prayers are with all of you.

Elena Gimpel

I believe it was in the summer.  Briana was 12 years old and Dan and MaryKay had gone for a walk around the housing development (about a mile square).  It was in the early evening but still very sunny.  The kids were baking cookies and when Krista went to remove the cookies from the oven the hot pad touched the heating element and caught fire. (And it was blazing)  Briana took control of the situation immediately.  The oven was closed.  She directed Matthew to get the fire extinguisher from the garage, she told Krista to get help from across the street, and she dialed "911" for the fire department.   Carmine, the neighbor across the street, answered Krista's call and he called to me (I was out front).  We went in as Briana was talking to the fire department.  Carmine took the fire extinguisher from Matt, opened the oven and put out the fire.  I took the phone from Briana and told them the fire was out--but of course the fire truck came anyway, sirens and all.   But Briana had done such a marvelous job directing the kids and doing all the right things.  So mature and in control.  We all went outside and waited for the fire truck and for Dan and MaryKay to come home.  I know they were so proud of her.  She will be so missed here on earth.   With Love, 

Travis Hart

I had the absolute joy and privilege of being Brianna's neighbor as well as her classmate during our two months at the Focus on the Family Institute the summer of 2001. Over the past four years, Brianna has been the one person I have consistently kept in touch with. Her love for Christ just compelled me to keep in touch with her. I will never forget how comfortable she made me feel during our time at the Institute, a time when I had been very hurt by love in general. She is certainly in all my fondest memories from that summer: our jokes about being ready for marriage, racing each other on the freeway, finding new places to hike and get away from the city, swing dancing, all are memories I will cherish the rest of my life.

I will never forget how excited Bri was when earlier this year I informed her I would be starting seminary in the fall. Her encouragement to me, indicating she knew God had called me into this life meant a lot coming from one so dedicated to Christ. Throughout this past semester, we have emailed each other back and forth, sharing our insights on various things God has taught us. The following is an email she sent me on a  conversation we had about the story of Judah and Tamar found in Genesis:  I think that the most interesting was the story of Judah and Tamar, where when I had read it before, I assumed that Tamar chose the lesser of two evils by prostituting herself to Judah to have children, but really, she just tricked him into fulfilling the law that God set up for women should they be left without children to take care of them.  I know that is a short quick description, but it was really interesting to look at that story in a completely different light and Tamar comes out looking pretty good.  Amazing!

Indeed, her interpretation was amazing, as was her entire life. At the end of that email, she thanked me for being an encouragement to her, telling me I was such a blessing to her. I know no other way to end this email than to say thank you, Brianna, your life, your friendship, has been such an encouragement to me. I am just one among the many who have been truly blessed by your life.

"And they overcame him because of the blood of the Lamb and because of the word of their testimony, and they did not love their life, even when faced with death."
-Revelation 12:11

I always end my emails with this verse, but it has never been more true of any one person I have known than Bri.

I'M AMY ALBERTINE ,FROM EDWARD HOSPITAL IN NAPERVILLE ILLINOIS.

I'M SO SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT THE SAD NEWS REGARDING BRIANNA ESSWEIN.I'D LIKE TO SEND MY DEEPEST SYMPHATY TO HER FAMILY AND FREINDS.I WORKED WITH HER AND I'M ONE OF HER PRECEPTORS WHEN SHE FIRST STARTED ON HER ORIENTATION.SHE WAS SUCH A VERY KIND ,DOWN TO EARTH,ALWAYS WILLING TO HELP,LOVING ,COMPASSIONATE AND SHE ALWAYS A SWEET SMILE.

SHE HAS TOUCHED OUR LIVES AND SHE WAS A MODEL TO US FOR HER LOVE TO SERVE THE LORD .ON HER LAST DAY SHE GAVE ME A THANK YOU CARD THAT DEEPLY TOUCHED ME.IT HAD A PICTURE OF A SMALL FEET WEARING A BIG SHOES,SHE LEFT EVERYTHING AND HEADED FOR HER MISSION TRUSTING EVERYTHING TO OUR LORD.SHE WILL ALWAYS BE REMEMBERED AND LOVED AND THE MEMORIES WE HAVE OF HER WILL BE FOREVER CHERISHED.MAY GOD COMFORT YOU AND GIVE YOU STRENGTH AT THIS DIFFICULT TIME.

Becca Carter

My name is becca, and i had the joy of spending the past six months with Bri in Australia and Nigeria, a fellow student in the Birth Attendant School. It was six formative months of the kind of education that really changes you...education on women's healthcare, of course, but more so in community and love, patience and expectancy...Bri was a special part of our team, the Southern California part, the girl who always looked amazing even when we had no water, our photographer and cultural explorer...

Bri and I shared our lives through stories and thoughts, prayers and tears for six months...in our room in Australia, in coffee shops, at the hospital, in the daily van ride, as we sat up on a stone wall together and watched the nigerian sun slip behind the lush, green backdrop, and as she tucked me into my misquito net each night...Bri was a true friend, the kind who listens to everything you can say, as nonsensical or profound as it may be, then tells you what you need to hear, whether you want to hear it or not. We asked questions together, the authentic kind that bring thoughtful silence rather than answers...questions about poverty and love and worship and babies that die and the groaning of mothers and all creation as we wait for new life. In Bri's presence, I felt loved--always challenged, but sincerely loved.

The women we spent time with at the hospital loved Bri--she gave herself to them fully, offering her presence, her hands, her words. I know that so many of you have known Bri so much longer than I have, and I thank you for releasing her to be apart of our Birth Attendant School, to be apart of my life for the past six months. She's so incredibly loved by the girls on our team, the community at the base in Nigeria, countless women at the hospital... And while Bri is fully alive, fully healed and living in full communion with her Redeemer, I really, really miss her.

Kasey Hein(Leather) - Columbus, Ohio

On August 11, 2002, exactly 3 years earlier, my journal writes:

      ". . . .Never, Lord, have I felt so protected and at ease speaking in front of a large congregation of people. Sharing my testimony at Paquita's church this morning was absolutely glorious! Thank you, Father, for using Brianna's encouragement and support to help me take this step of faith. . . .Father, it's funny how only a week has passed since I've met her, and already she feels like a sister to me. She has been such a blessing to me in so many ways that I feel as if my heart has been exposed and opened to so much more of Your heart because of her. . . ."

Brianna was God's perfect gift and answer to my fear, anxiety, and loneliness that I felt on my first missions trip (alone, and my first time out of the USA). For three weeks I chose to go on an MMI trip down to the Dominican Republic. After 3 days of being in the country on my own, I met up with my MMI group and immediately "clicked" with Bri. She was everything I prayed for, and more. Besides her understanding of international missions and the culture of the Domincan Republic, she was an encourager, prayer partner, and Christ-like example of the compassion that Jesus had for sick. So clearly I remember the evenings that we would sit on the back porch of our DR "home" and read/write in our journals.  One night I specifically remember her looking up from the book we shared reading,"Jesus, MD" and quote the following passage,

"Caring is ultimalely more important than the curing - and often may have the greater therapeutic effect."

I wrote it down in my journal that night thinking that it sounded intelligent, but never quite took grasp to it until I stumbled upon it 1 1/2 years ago when I was looking through my old journals. I took the quote and attatched it to a small clip that hung my stethescope when I graduated from nursing school. I still have it there today. Now, a reminder of Brianna as well.

Thank you Brianna, for not only giving your life and wisdom away to those will physical ailments, but also to each one of us who have been touched, encouraged, supported, and loved through your compassion for people and relationships.

The impact you've left me with through your life and through your death will never be forgotten. I love you, Bri!

"We Live By Faith, Not By Sight" -2 Corinthians 5:7

Nicole Hubler (California)

I was devastated when I heard the news of Brianna's passing. I have cycled through many questions of why. God has graciously answered them in a surprising way.

I received a prayer letter from Brianna the day after her passing. In it she spoke of her own coping with why questions. She wrote (speaking of an experience as a midwife with a grieving patient who just lost her baby): "As I held her hand my heart broke and I stood in frantic wonder, looking to find Jesus here in the room. Just as Mary looked for Jesus in the empty tomb and then did not recognize Him, we often come across circumstances where we don't recognize Him either, but we trust that he is there." I am again struck now, that my friend was writing words a week before she was to leave this earth that would minister to me in my grief over her passing.

This is why she was so dear to me. She was as much of a mentor as she was a friend. She supported me through many pivotal times in my walk with God, and my faith now is partly a testament to her encouragement and discipleship and partnership in the gospel. As I sit here at my desk writing this, I see in front of me a decorative inspirational note that Bri made for me years ago. On it she wrote Matthew 5:16 "Let your light shine before men that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." Her life was a living example of that verse; it was her hearbeat. She was an amazing woman and worker in the Kingdom of God. I still wonder why God would take her so soon, but I remember now that He was not absent or neglectful in all of this. That Jesus is still very much here in my midst, I just lost sight of Him for a bit.

Angela and David Robles (Southern California)

“I feel like I’ve lost my hands and feet.” These were the words I heard my mom share with me as she told me of Brianna’s death. Bri had been the “hands and feet” for so many people while she was overseas. For those who couldn’t travel to the ends of the earth to share the Gospel, Bri enabled those individuals to partner with her in reaching the unreachable. She had a unique way of communicating with those of us at home and making us feel almost as if we were right there with her on the mission field. She was truly a beautiful woman of God who was absolutely the most humble servant I have ever known.

Our family (Bessolo) met the Esswein family when I was in 6^th grade. “Us kids” have all grown up together at Bethany and always seemed to run into each other on various Sundays and holidays. I was blessed to reconnect with Bri and Krista in a weekly women’s Bible Study we had a few years ago. I was always so impressed with the knowledge and love Bri and Krista had for our Savior. I remember often thinking about the maturity Bri had that seemed to surpass her years. She absolutely loved Jesus. She spoke of Him the way a young woman talks about the love of her life. You could see in her eyes the joy she had while describing her relationship with this amazing man who she couldn’t wait to tell the world about. Bri was a tremendous example to all of us how completely blessed we were to be in love with the King of Kings. Though I feel a profound sense of loss in losing a wonderful friend, I am in awe of the picture the Lord continues to bring to my mind… I can just imagine our Savior wrapping His arms around her and welcoming her home. I have difficulty thinking of anyone more deserving than Bri of hearing the Lord say, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”

Steve and Debbie Da Pena (USA)

Debbie and I had watched with much joy over the years as Brianna kept growing in faith and grace, taking on new challenges and always answering to a high call from God that certainly had the appearance of a young woman who was to live a very dedicated and special life of service.  And so it was.  We were blessed to have her in our 4th grade sunday school class and we got to enjoy many fun youth activities with her and her family and our three sons.  Even at an early age Brianna displayed a quiet grace and dignity, which was sometimes a bit unnerving to an occasionally boisterous fellow like myself.

As we saw her dedicate herself to study a profession that would enable her to be of even greater service we knew that good things were awaiting her.  When the newsletters came it soon became apparent that she was truely on a good path and that many people were going to benefit from her generous spirit and selfless love.  We had just received her last newsletter on December 14th and were so impressed that we saved it in order to share it with others.  We had no idea that she had already been called home on Dec. 11th.  When we heard the news our hearts just broke and we could not hold back the tears.  This can't be. It isn't supposed to happen this way!  But we remembered something Brianna said in her letter. It was when she had just delivered a dead baby and she was searching in frantic wonder, looking for Jesus in that room. She spoke of Mary looking for Jesus in the empty tomb and then not recognizing Him, as we often don't, and yet He is there. 

Perhaps Brianna was preparing us for our own sense of "frantic wonder".  It certainly is the perfect description of how we feel right now.   Somehow Debbie and I know that Brianna's life is going to have a far greater influence on this world than any of us could even imagine. That is just what He does with vessels of honor.  And through the tears we say glory to God. And we can thank Him every day for having been blessed by such a wonderful young woman. Her life is already making us all more determined to be better followers of our Lord Jesus.

From Martha and Terry Teigen (Seattle, WA); and Mary and Norris Peterson (Tacoma, WA)

As family friends for more than 30 years, it has been our privilege to stay connected to Mary Kay, Dan, Brianna, Krista and Matt from afar. We, along with so many, have loved our times together and have been continually impressed with the depth and love so evident in this special family. Brianna, Krista and Matt were raised with penetrating faith, which has led each into lives of service and deep Christian commitment, inspiring to all who know them.

Brianna's call took her to far corners of the world, healing the sick, making precious births possible, transforming lives.  With her gentle passion she gave of herself in ways unimaginable to most of us, yet, she did so with no regret, with incredible sense of purpose, always guided by the Spirit. The impact of her presence is profound and immeasurable. We stand in awe of her selflessness, her generosity, her love for others, grounded in her love for God. 

As we anguish at the loss of this precious, significant life, we are also very grateful for having known and been influenced by her. We feel moved to honor Brianna by dedicating ourselves to our own avenues of mission.  Although few of us will serve as missionaries within impoverished third world communities as she did, there are countless ways for us each to use our talent, skill, compassion as God guides us. The need is all around us.  We have the opportunity to listen to God's call, search within ourselves, discover our passion, discern our gifts, and, like Brianna, bring this world to a better place.

It is our fervent prayer that as God comforts and sustains this grieving family, we may show in our lives some measure of the faith and commitment that Brianna exemplified.

Mary Kay, Dan, Krista and Matt, we encircle you with love.

Pablo Logacho (Ecuador)

My name is Pablo Logacho, I'm from Ecuador and I had the privilege to meet Brianna in one of our medical projects when I worked with MMI.

This morning I woke up and got ready to go to my office when I read the tragic news about her death, and, I'm writing this letter with tears on my eyes because the pain and the sadness I'm feeling right now... but.. I also believe in the same God Brianna served, and  I know God has a plan for all of us.

Brig (Leech, how we used to call her) stayed at my house in Quito-Ecuador and even joined our church once, but, I the time I can say she really touched my life was in the Medical project we had in Cuenca, Ecuador. The joy of the Lord, her obedience to our God's calling was an example to me. She always tried to identify herself with the people she served, that's why, that time she bought an typical outfit in order to be able to reach the ones who dress like that in our country.. she was the only one in our group doing that and the citizens felt just pleased to see that in a pretty girl like her.

I totally believe that our world is not worthy enough for people like her, and I praised and thank our Lord for the chance He gave to me to be able to meet and follow examples like her.

Today, I want to be a wheat grain as well,. I want to please God even in my death as Brianna did, and also get ready for the great adventure of eternal life with her and God.

I don't know if this will be known by you all, but. I want to say my friend Brianna, who precede us in our pilgrimage in the world will be found as a Faithful and Good servant.

Kristin Barker (USA)

Complete shock.  That's what I've been feeling for the last several days when I heard the news.  I can't believe such an incredible woman of God was so tragically taken from this world.  Not angry, shocked.  Then I got another e-mail from Bri's sister (via another Focus alum) that showed the beauty of how Bri has been serving and how she was so loved by those near her and I realized though in my flesh her death is tragic, in God's presence her death is uplifting.  And then I read Dr. Kelly's lovely rememberance of Bri and I thought, that's exactly who Bri was.  She new who she was in Christ and what Christ wanted her to do.  Always seeking.  Instead of just knowing she was called to do great things she was actaully doing great things all over the world.  I loved getting her updates and thinking to myself, man I'm not doing enough.  She inspired me from thousands of miles away. 

We spent Summer 2001 together as Omegas at Focus on the Family where she spoke incredible words into my life that I will never forget.  I was telling her about my dream, one of those you don't quite know where it came from or how in the world it's ever going to come true, she said a lot of stuff but the one thing I remember was it is a God-given dream.  To this day, I am reminded of those words (and similar words from Dr. Kelly) everytime I think my dream won't come true.  It hasn't yet, but I know it will.  Though we didn't remain in close contact after Focus she holds a special place in my heart and in my future.

I will forever remember Bri as the girl who couldn't stop smiling and followed the Creator of the Universe everywhere she could bringing life into the world!!

With Love.

Debbie Peurrung (California)

When I think of Brianna, I see a young woman, full of light, hope, inspiration, kindness, warmth and so dedicated to our Lord. If I were to ever need a picture of what a Christian woman were to be like, it would be Brianna.

I only knew her from a distance, through her youth activities. Having listened to her talk about her missionary work, seeing the work that she did while working with the youth at Bethany and reading about her work in the missionary field, I feel very blessed to have had that opportunity to know her.

There are two memories of Brianna that I will keep with me forever. The first being when she sang. Like her mom, she beamed with God’s light. The second is reading her letter home a couple of months ago where she talked about the joy she witnessed when a child was born and sharing the sadness with a new mom when her child had passed on.

To her parents, family and her friends, may we all find peace in knowing that Brianna is dwelling in the house of our Lord.

Gary, Alia, Christy, Lisa, Heidi and Lori Braaten (Illinois)

I had the great privilege to know Brianna for 2 years as she rented homes that I own in Wheaton while she was preparing herself for the work that she was called to and so well qualified to perform.  I remember the first time that I met Brianna, she was driving that blue non-descript little car and she told me that she had been staying in Chicago with some friends and that someone had broken the rear window and stolen a bunch of her stuff.  This was how Brianna was introduced to Chicago !  I told her that life in Wheaton was a bit safer and things like that don’t happen with the same frequency as they happen in Chicago.  My first impression of Brianna was that she took things in stride and didn’t get too upset over the “trivialities” of life.  She was focused on something much more important.  I remember a conversation that I had with Brianna about her course of study – and she explained to me that she was called to care for people both physically and spiritually, and that she wanted to pursue a master’s degree at Wheaton in order to better equip herself to meet the spiritual needs of those who she would be caring for.  My second impression of Brianna, was that this was a young woman who knew who she was and what she wanted to do.  Her desire was to live a life of service for Jesus and to be His hands and His feet.

Brianna took a full load of courses and worked as a Nurse at one of the local hospitals in Naperville, IL.  She worked the midnight shift and would arrive home in the morning to get a few hours sleep and then study to prepare for her classes, most of which were at night.  If I needed to stop by to take care of some problem in the house, I would be careful to not call too early to make sure that I didn’t wake her.  The girls would always have some brownies or cookies for me to help make the chore  more pleasant.  I’m not sure if Brianna ever ate the brownies or cookies – it seemed she was very conscientious about her nutrition !  Sometime in the spring of 2004, Brianna stopped by my office at the mortgage company, in her nurse’s uniform having worked all night, to ask me about what she should do about living arrangements for the upcoming year.  She was considering buying a house in order to benefit from the spiraling real estate values in the Wheaton and neighboring areas.  As we talked about her future plans, it became apparent that buying a house was not the best idea – primarily because her calling and desire was to go and serve Jesus overseas following graduation in the spring of 2005.  It just so happened that another house that I own a few blocks away from the college became available to rent – she was quick to make a commitment.  Brianna’s sister, Krista along with Heather Worthington and Jessica Bryant shared that house and had a great year together culminating in Brianna’s graduation from the Wheaton College Graduate School.

As the father of 4 daughters, my relationship with Brianna and the other girls that shared the house was more like a protective father than a landlord.  If I happened to find out that Brianna or one of the other girls was starting to date someone, I would ask a few questions and then due some “due diligence” to make sure that their intentions were admirable!

We had a party at our house for all the girls at our house as time was running out on Brianna’s time in Wheaton.  It was a beautiful day and we enjoyed each other’s company and prayed for God’s provision and blessing on each of the girls as they went their separate ways.

Our family loved Brianna.  We were all shocked and saddened when the news arrived of Brianna’s death.  Even now as I write this e-mail, it doesn’t seem quite real.  As I discussed this with my wife and my children, the one thing that kept coming to mind over and over – is that life is a gift, each day is a gift, God grants us each day and it’s only by God’s grace that we wake up and greet another day and have the potential to use it for something worthwhile and perhaps for the service of another – in order that God might be glorified through us.  Brianna was a bright and shining star who did God’s work for God’s glory.  I will miss her smile, I will miss her excitement and expectation about worshipping the risen Christ on Sunday – with her arms raised heavenward giving praise to Jesus.  I am a better person for having known her for 2 years.

Peace to her memory and peace to the entire Esswein family.  We love you all and pray that God will uphold each of you during this Christmas season.

Cliff Kelly, Ph.D. (Colorado): When I heard about Brianna earlier this week, I was of course deeply grieved at the loss of so extraordinary a Christian woman. But I was not surprised. Please let me explain ...

During Bri's Insitute days, we came rather quickly to be very good friends. She would frequently drop by my office to just chat, or share a prayer request, or sometimes to encourage me. On one of those days, I got around to asking her more questions about her love for Africa, and whether or not she'd ever thought about having a family someday. I'll never forget her answer: "Yes, Dr. K, but I won't ever have a family." Somewhat shocked by her firm but pleasant response, I asked her why she knew this. "Because the Lord has made it clear to me," she went on. Well, I couldn't remember a time when so lovely a person had become so early convinced of the single life for Christ. But then I stumbled on the most powerful statement I think I've ever heard from another believer when she told me just why she was not to have a family. "Dr. K, I am not going to live a long life."

My jaw must have dropped to the floor at those stunning words. And I immediately knew that she was telling me the truth of what our sweet Lord had somehow shared with her over her tender years. Why? To fully prepare her for the day she would go home to be with her Master. She knew she would perish on the mission field, for the glory of God and the fulfillment of her ministry to the hurting. Now only He knows and understands why her life had to be cut so very short. But the real point is: He does know! And now, Brianna knows as she stands among all those who have laid down their entire lives for the Gospel. She would never say it, but Brianna was chosen to be among the truly great ones of the faith. The honor she does our God is undefineable, except perhaps through the timeless words of Christ Himself ... "Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends" (John 15:13).

I love, admire and respect Brianna Esswein so very greatly, both in life and in death. And if I achieve a fraction of her dedication to God and others, I will have achieved much. So may God comfort us all in the knowledge that He knows the way we take, and is mindful of us every moment. And that our fragile lives are ever in the palms of His mighty hands. Most importantly, it is He who decides our course when we are totally submitted to His perfect will, as was Bri every precious day of her life.